every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
