The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
