I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
