Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
worst night to have a conscience
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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