a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
