It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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