Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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