I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
