you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
