my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
false alarm, still single
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
