apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
