dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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