Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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