I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
