there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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