The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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