oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
