i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
