Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
