I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
