This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
