Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
