Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
