he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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