her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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