every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
