Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
