Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
