omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
