either way he was missing a nipple.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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