You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
