If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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