you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
