Say something about gay babies.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
