She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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