She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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