Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
