Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
