I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
