woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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