you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
