you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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