I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
