This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
