I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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