I need help removing her.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
