Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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