3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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