you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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