And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
