Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
