I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
