Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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