This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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