Everything about him screamed your future.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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