Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
