quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
