Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well you can't waste a boner
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
