Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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