I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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