hotel room ftw
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
