so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
