I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
