I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
