We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
