I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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