He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
