im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
