so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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