hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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