I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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