I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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