Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize