I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
