I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Floor bacon is actually really good
did i just pee glitter
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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