Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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