Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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