Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
