Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
