My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize