I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My balls are so social today.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
